Soundtrack

The urge to write on my book comes and goes. I've had so much other stuff occupying my time that I just haven't had the motivation to write. I'm not sure what changed, but all the sudden, it was like OMG MUST WRITE. So, there has been progress there. It's slow progress, owing to the fact that I'm starting the entire premise over, but still.

For now, I have the soundtrack of the moment for this book. It's music that inspires me, and it's also music that shows the mood of the book in different stages.

1. In This Life--Delta Goodrem
This is a generally upbeat and happy song that somehow captures the essence of Lili...

I was nurtured, I was sheltered
I was curious and young
I was searching for that something
Trying to find it on the run


...and, at the same time, sort of gives you a glimpse into her relationship with T.

You give me love, you give me light
Show me everything's been happening
I've opened up my eyes
I'm following
Three steps, fight an honest fight
Two hears that can start a fire
One love is all I need in this life

2. Mad World--Michael Andrews and Gary Jules
Just a creepy and desperate song. It just seems so hopeless, and that is how Lili feels for a good part of the story.

I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very very, mad world, mad world

3. Kings and Queens--Aerosmith
I don't know how this ended up on the list. Something about the nature of it fits so perfectly. The book is a story of war--war between vampires and fairies, war between New Lili and Old Lili. It's a very war song. And it mentions vikings. Rock.

Oh, I know
I lived this life before
Somehow I know now
Truths I must be sure
Tossin' turnin', nightmares burnin'
Dreams of swords in hand
Sailing ships, the viking spits
The blood of father's land

4. Big Love (Live)--Lindsey Buckingham
It's the music more than the lyrics of this one that put it on the list. It's very manic, and I love it. But, of course, some of the words fit. It sort of speaks to the way that T feels. He's torn between his duty and his desire to just flat out take care of and protect Lili, who doesn't want or need to be protected.

Looking out for love
In the night so still
Oh I'll build you a kingdom
In that house on the hill
Looking out for love
Big, big love

5. Taking Over Me--Evanescence
Of course. The perennial soundtrack favorite. This song truly illuminates the way T feels about Lili, and, in some ways, the way she feels about him right back.

You don't remember me, but I remember you
I lie awake and try so hard not to think of you
But who can decide what they dream, and dream I do
I believe in you
I'll give up everything just to find you
I have to be with you
To live, to breathe
You're taking over me

6. Believe--Staind
This is another song that is a back and forth between Lili and T. In actuality, he has waited forever for her, and in the chorus, she's asking him to believe in her because she doesn't believe in herself.

I sit alone and watch the clock
Trying to collect my thoughts
All I think about is you
And so I cry myself to sleep
and hope the devil I don’t meet
In the dreams that I live through

Believe in me
I know you’ve waited for so long
Believe in me
Sometimes the weak become the strong
Believe in me
This life’s not always what it seems...

7. Cold Ground--Rusty Truck
This is a vampire song, naturally inspired by D. The words aren't specific to anything in the story, but the overall feel of the song is straight up D.

Close the door and turn the key
I lock the door and it's time to sleep
And all those pretty treasures are deep
Once revealed inside a dream
Diamonds shine on a water's edge
Never make it back from sea
To pray for nothing short of breath
Oh, no, never do we breathe

8. Where I Stood--Missy Higgins
The words to the first part of this song describe Lili's state of mind in the middle of the madness that her life becomes, and a part of it describes her confusion over T and her feelings for him.

I dont know what I've done
Or if I like what I've begun
But something told me to run
And, honey, you know me, it's all or none
There were sounds in my head
Little voices whispering
That I should go and this should end
Oh and I found myself listening


9. Snow White Queen--Evanescence
This is another Lili song at the first part, but it's more from D's POV somewhat, and considering the dark subject matter of the song, it's obvious that his view of her is not a nice thing.

You'll never know the way your words have haunted me
I can't believe you'd ask these things of me
You don't know me
Now or ever

You belong to me, my snow white queen
There's nowhere to run, so let's just get it over
Soon I know you'll see, you're just like me
Don't scream anymore, my love, 'cause all I want is you

10. Hangman Jury--Aerosmith
Again, I have no idea how this song got in here. It's my subconscious working overtime. It's a completely bizarre song, and none of the words really fit. It's more the feel of the music.

11. The Beginning is the End is the Beginning--Smashing Pumpkins
Ooh, one of my favorite creepy songs. It's a nice bleak view of the world, and it's something Lili comes to realize over time. Her world is changed forever, and it's not pretty anymore.

Send a heartbeat to
The void that cries through you
Relive the pictures that have come to pass
For now we stand alone
The world is lost and blown
And we are flesh and blood disintegrate
With no more to hate


12. Together--The Kin
A Lili and T song, naturally. Due to reasons integral to the plot, I can't say why, but take it from me, it is.

Now that we see the signs
Can we walk this line together?
Now that we know it's time
Cane we walk this line together?

13. Bones--Little Big Town
Another sorta vampirey song, but it's more about the way that SOMEthing in T's past comes back to bite him in the ass in a big way. More that than, the book has a lot of people with a lot of secrets, and in the end, they always come out.

It's a long and hard row to hoe
When seeds that you sow
Grow by the wicked moon
Be sure your sins will find you out
The past will hunt you down
And return to tell on you

You've got bones in your closet
You've got ghosts in your town
Ain't no doubt, dear,
They're gonna come out
They're waiting for the sun to go down

14. This Woman's Work--Kate Bush
This is probably the most random song when you look at it in the context of the other songs on the list, but it perfectly illustrates the way that Lili has suddenly become this thing that is so important to so many people, and her work is what suddenly defines her.

I know you have a little life in you yet
I know you have a lot of strength left
I know you have a little life in you yet
I know you have a lot of strength left

I should be crying, but I just can't let it show.
I should be hoping, but I can't stop thinking
Of all the things I should've said that I never said
All the things we should've done, though we never did
All the things I should've given, but I didn't.
Oh, darling, make it go
Make it go away

15. Show Me What I'm Looking For--Carolina Liar
I'm actually surprised that I like this song. It has mucho religious overtones, but at the same time, the words just fit so perfectly that it couldn't be ignored.

Wait, I’m wrong
Should have done better than this
Please, I’ll be strong
I’m finding it hard to resist
So show me what I’m looking for

Save me, I’m lost
Oh lord, I’ve been waiting for you
I’ll pay any cost
Save me from being confused
Show me what I’m looking for
Show me what I’m looking for

16. Still Alive--Lisa Miskovsky
I love this song. It fits my book in that Lili has all this stuff coming down on her, and somehow she makes it through. It's a celebration of that.

You have changed
I have changed
Just like you, just like you
For how long, for how long
Must I wait
I know there's something wrong
Your concrete heart isn't beating
And you tried to make it come alive
No shadows, just red lights
Now I'm here to rescue you
I'm still alive
I'm still alive
I can't apologize, no
I'm still alive
I'm still alive
I can't apologize, no

17. Because the Night--10,000 Maniacs
Another tone more than words, but again, the words fit somehow. I really love this song, and when I hear it, I think of my story.

Take me now, baby, here as I am
Hold me close, and try and understand
Desire is hunger is the fire I breathe
Love is a banquet on which we feed

Come on now, try and understand
The way I feel under your command
Take my hand, as the sun descends
They can't hurt you now
Can't hurt you now
Can't hurt you now


So, there it is. This is the music that gets me going, the music that I'd hope people would listen to as they read the book. Just thought I'd share, and post for prosperity's sake.